Boy

A girlfriend complimented "cute cat!" (referring to the cat photo I used for my WhatsApp profile picture), It is a photo of Boy I took before he departed this world on 18 Jamadil Akhir 1442H).

When asked if I would get a 'replacement', I told her not for now (still after 2 years, I could not bring myself to even think about it as Boy is irreplaceable); my heart could not bear the excruciating pain if another dies on me!

Today is 18 Jamadil Akhir 1444H. It has been 2 years since your demise. You are a constant in my thoughts and I miss you loads, Boy ❤.

I end this post with this Arabic saying: ليس الحب أن نبقى دائما بجانب من نحب ولكن الحب أن نبقى في قلب من نحب

"Love does not mean being physically present beside the one you love, rather love is when you are present in the heart (and mind) of the beloved."

"Cinta bukan berarti kita selalu berada di sisi yang kita cintai, tetapi cinta itu adalah tatkala kita berada  dałam hati yang dicintai."

2022

Today will be a short post. Reflecting on the year that has just passed and all that I had experienced, all I can say is aptly captured in QS Ghafir 40:44 (indeed, Allah is the Best of planners walhamdulilLah!): 

وَأُفَوِّضُ أَمْرِي إِلَى اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَصِيرٌ بِالْعِبَادِ

"I entrust my affairs to Allah. Surely Allah is watchful over His servants."

"Aku serahkan (dengan sepenuhnya) segala urusanku kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Melihat para hambaNya."

4 Rules

This book mentions that satisfying close relationships require, from both parties, the ability to establish and sustain intimacy, empathy, openness, and mutual as well as responsive communication. A narcissist simply cannot provide these relationship essentials (a relationship with a narcissistic is, in essence, being a relationship with someone who will never listen to you or hear you).

Based on the real terrain of pathological narcissism, the book provides a realistic roadmap of how to navigate this landscape and reclaim your true self, find healing and live an authentic and empowered life, whether you stay or go. It provides you the tools (what to watch for) and guidance on managing difficult situations.

Intrigued, I also saw her 4 "DEEP" Rules to protect the self from toxic behaviour - very empowering: 

(1) Don't Defend (when somebody is saying something you do not do, do not defend it; there is no point because if you do, you start "going down the rabbit's hole", throwing yourself into a bizarre or surreal troubling state)

(2) Don't Engage (pull back and recognize that you will be "walking on egg shells" or be in a precarious situation, extremely cautious with your words or actions and no matter how you say it, you get it wrong), 

(3) Don't Explain (self-explanatory when you consider the above 2 points), and 

(4) Don't Personalize (it is not you but the other party, so stop saying, "It has got to be me" when it is really not; if anything, you are so emphatic, that you are easy to be taken advantage of because the other party knows you are going to keep coming back to them).

The author, Dr Ramani Durvasula, is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica, California. She is also a professor of psychology at California State University in Los Angeles. 

What I took away from these, in essence, is to have the courage to walk away from those who continue to hurt you and walk alone until you find the ones who deserve you (if you are brave enough to say "goodbye", life with reward you with a new "hello"). I'll end my post with a wonderful melody by the late George Michael.

Let Go

This is another hit song from Sarah. It is about someone realizing his/her mistakes. While no specifics mentioned (for obvious reasons because songs are meant to universally be relatable to all circumstances), she spoke about recognizing the mistakes, empowering the self to admit them, recognizing what was lost (as a consequence), and not letting people bring you down any further by continually reinforcing what you have done wrong (that you have learnt from life lessons).

You can only move forward upon admission; otherwise you are stuck because you did not own the mistake (error of judgment) and provide closure for it. And not to be too caught up with how the other party respond (or the lack of it!). In essence, it is taking care of yourself (self love) before others. You need that to remain sane and not be held hostage by others that could result in resentment! Let go when it is time to (after all efforts were lost on deaf ears). I'll end my post with extracts of the song's lyrics.

"Heaven bend to take my hand and lead me through the fire. Be the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight. In the lonely light of morning, in the wound that would not heal. It's the bitter taste of losing everything that I've held so dear."

Stay

I admire songwriters who could write beautiful songs, taking inspiration from their life experiences. It must have been cathartic, to get it out of their system. This was one of the two songs Sarah wrote after separating from her husband of 11 years. The other song was "U Want Me 2". I'll end my post with snippets of the lyrics of "Don't give up on us".

"Can't you see me standing here? Alive and well with all the hope. We can't go on, living on a cloud; we'll never find our way home. Oh, let me reach you, oh my love. Come on let me in."

Don't You?

Sarah wrote this track, "about that really uncertain, confusing place at the end of a relationship where there was no communication or closure, everything was still up in the air and there was a lot of anger or sadness with questions needing answer to, "How do we move forward with dignity and grace?" I'll end my post with snippets from the song's lyrics.

"I hope there's forgiveness in the distance between us. Can we make what lies ahead of us a better place to be? So tell me, how do you feel - it's so confusing. If you let it all go, it'll fall apart. Do you want me to stay and say "I still want you"? You want me too, don't you?"

At Odds

Life is not devoid of misunderstandings. The mark of true friendship or companionship is not letting go of each other when it gets tough; rather being committed to stick around through the good and bad. Talk and clarify things because both value the true worth of each other.

A single moment of misunderstanding, left unmanaged, will make us forget (in a split second) the countless meaningful years spent together. And I thought you knew me better than that? Regardless, when things are at odds, be still my heart, be steeled...

Hikmah

Like the shared meal of arancini, cioppino, pesto pasta, and gelato, we shared our woes. Yes, sometimes we (insan) need a listening ear or just an opportunity to hear different perspectives and help us make important decisions in our lives. At the back of my mind, of course the best is to follow the prophetic way of munajat - turning to Allah swt in the middle of the night to share our woes and seek His guidance and help. More importantly, accept and be pleased (redha) with the knowledge that ultimately Allah's swt is the best of planners and there is much wisdom (hikmah) in why the story unfolds the way it did. Am instinctively reminded of QS al-Bayyinah 98:8 and shall end this short post with it ❤

رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنهُم وَرَضوا عَنهُ ۚ ذٰلِكَ لِمَن خَشِيَ رَبَّهُ 

"Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. That is for those who fear their Lord."

Mangia Semplicemente

As I savor a bite of the Magherita pizza from Positano Risto, I was reminiscing the time I had a taste of a slice of the same in US many years back. Italian cuisines are at their best in their simplicity (few ingredients) and what they focus, as a priority, which is quality (freshness) as well as preserving authentic recipes handed down through generations.

I also reminisced the time I was in Portugal - I loved the gelato made from fresh ingredients. You can really taste the flavor of the actual fruit in every bite/lick! And the awesome hot chocolate (I could never have such good quality cacao here in Singapore to make a cuppa).

Actually my wish is simple – to eat simply – eliminate GMO and processed food, do away with unnecessary preservatives and emulsifiers; in their place, source for fresh, organic, non-GMO, wholesome food… REAL food. And gradually emulating the prescribed prophetic way of living. May Allah swt make it easy for me and us, aamiin! Khayr insya-Allah☺

Salam Ma'al Hijrah

After the recent get-together, I can't help but be reminded of ayahanda's hijriyyah birthday, which falls on 1 Muharram. I'm reminded of one of his advices, "May your today be better than yesterday and your tomorrow be better than today" - apt  reminder to constantly improve the self towards bringing it closer to Allah s.w.t and attaining His redha. Indeed, the greatest jihad is to battle your own self (fight the evil nafs within). Salam ma'al hijrah. Kullu 'am wa antum bil khayr, aamiin ya Ar-Hamar-Rahimeen!

Redha

A short post today - a supplication to my parents, for who I have become today. Eternally grateful and no amount of deeds, supplications, and words could ever repay them both.

❤ اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَ الِدَىَّ وَارْ حَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَا نِى صَغِيْرًا...آمين

Lil Brother

It is my younger brother's Gregorian birthday today, 16 August 2020 (his Hijri birthday: 22 Ramadhan). Due to Covid-19, it has been a while since I saw him and his family - I missed Luqman and lil Naila. On this special day, I raised my hand in supplication - may Allah swt bestow you rizq, taufiq and hidayah, a long blessed life in obedience to Him, forgive your sins and accept your ibadah. And may He make things easy for you in this dunya and akhirah to attain redha of Allah swt, RasululLah saw and mum, aamiin ya Ar-Hamar-Rahimeen. Sanah helwah lil brother ❤

Pairs

Like friendship, a good companionship or partnership requires trust and having each other's back in spite of it all. As I watched the ending of the movie, I can't help but wonder how 'Iron Man' is doing currently. And if he has met his 'Pepper'. He is a good man. My hunch is he eventually will, if he opens up his heart and trusts himself more (that he is worthy of love and would be better off as a pair, for Allah swt created everything in pairs and there is much barakah to be reaped from such pairings), insya-Allah!

Gatherings

It has been a while since we gathered like this; the last I met Aunt Clarice and the ladies would probably be during Nizzeeeee's wedding (2 years ago). So it was a good time to catch up on how the ladies have been doing - one has since shifted to the North (a place she now calls home), one just lost her beloved mother recently (due to old age), and the rest still working at the same place.

As conversations flowed over a healthy pot-luck meal, I can't help but miss the presence of our spiritual father, who returned to our Lord 3 years ago. Since then, I have also lost my maternal grandmother (last year) and my biological father (this year). Losing your loved ones is never easy but I take respite in the knowledge that their return was a happy occasion as they ultimately get their well-deserved rest from toiling hard in attesting to the Oneness of Allah swt in this 'alam shahadah and waiting in 'alam barzakh for the ultimate moment - to be with our Lord. ❤

Ummi

Mum's birthday was on 6th of Zulhijjah, a blessed month indeed walhamdulilLah! In the past, we celebrated her gregorian birthday (6th of September) but in recent years, she prefers to commemorate her hijriyyah birthday. Eternally grateful to Allah swt for all her advices, reminders, teachings, and sacrifices.

On this special day, I pray that Allah swt forgive all her sins, accept all her 'amal ibadah, bestow her a life filled with countless blessings, barakah, rizq, sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah, redha with her, return her to Him in a state of husnul khatimah, and place her amongst the pious predecessors together with RasululLah saw, aamiin yaa Ar-Hamar-Rahimeen ❤

Family

Masya-Allah! Received wonderful news from both sides of the family - my paternal cousin's wife gave birth to their firstborn, Muhammad Aqeel Zayyan, on 23 Jun 2020 (2 Zulkaedah 1441H) while my maternal cousin gave birth to her first daughter and 3rd child, Sarah Mahera on 16 Jul 2020 (24 Zulkaedah 1441H). Mabruk! Welcome to the extended family and see you real soon lil fellas ❤

Make It Count

When I was younger, I was amongst those selected to lead my primary school in reciting the Singapore pledge in the mornings:

"We, the citizens of Singapore, pledge ourselves as one united people, regardless of race, language or religion, to build a democratic society, based on justice and equality, so as to achieve happiness, prosperity, and progress for our nation."

Now, more than ever, the true meaning and intent of the pledge of allegiance remind me to be a true blue Singaporean for the greater good.

The advice of my teachers keep echoing in my head as I reflect on the current local phenomena - that above all things, we must uphold justice.

Will end this post with a cover of the song originally composed by the late Zubir Said.

Akhi

On this day, 7^th July 2020, it is my brother's Gregorian birthday (his Hijri birthday: 6 Jamadil-Akhir). I reminisced the time when we were younger. Mum always remind me to be grateful for how considerate and loving my brother was (and still is, in his own ways). He would look out for us (his siblings) and have our back (like any firstborn would)… only a Mum knows the true value of her child when sibling rivalry would cloud our judgment (sometimes).😝

Sanah helwah, ya akhi. For all the lessons you have directly and indirectly taught me (through my silent observations of you throughout the years), may Allah swt reward you in kind and more, bestow you taufiq and hidayah, a long blessed life in obedience to Him, forgive your sins and accept your ibadah. And may He make things easy for you in this dunya and akhirah, aamiin ya Ar-Hamar-Rahimeen ❤

460041

Alot has happened since nyai's demise last September. In summary, I'm gonna miss this place I called my second home.

Many fond memories etched in my heart especially of almarhum yai and almarhumah nyai throughout my childhood till their last breath, especially during the period I stayed with them, at yai's request.

It was the most beautiful experience as I learnt and benefitted much from observing them, from their sharing, and advices. In fact, it was a turning point that changed me as a person forever, alhamdulilLah.

Effective July 2020, the unit will be handed over to its new owner. As I gazed at the door for the last time before closing it behind me, I can't help but feel as though I left a piece of me behind...😢

Viva Voce

Masya-Allah! This is by the grace of my Lord, alhamdulilLah. The best news ever. I'm so heartened to be amongst the first privileged few to hear of this good news. 

Deep in my heart, I knew it would be manageable and the successful defense will occur on the first try and with minimal amendments. That is how much faith I have in this wise person whom I look up to and respect. Mabruk!